Sit Still
by afamiliarsmile
Summary: A one-shot, song fic. Jude chose Jamie and on the night of her 19th birthday Tommy thinks over everything that has happened. TOMS POV. Set to the song "Sit Still" by Brightwood. R&R.


This is a one-shot. I suppose you must just assume that Jude chose Jamie okay?

Good.

Now this is also a way to get an announcement out without having to post another Author's Note.

**Concerning I've Seen You Somewhere:**

**If anyone could make me a video for that story I will be extremely grateful and not only that but I will send that person the beginning of the sequel What Have You Done. Bribing always works now doesn't it?**

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Instant Star nor do I own any of the characters or actors, etc. I don't own "Sit Still" by Brightwood either.

* * *

How curious it was the way things had turned out. A year ago I thought I had everything I could have ever wanted. I had you, Jude Harrison, the love of my life. And it was true. I felt like I was on a never-ending high, placing myself up on the highest mountain. It was all because I had you, I felt complete, and I had felt whole. Before I met you I had thought that I had been in love once before. After meeting you I realized just how wrong I was.

Now there you are with _him_ on the night of your nineteenth birthday. I must admit I had been shocked to even receive an invitation at all. Jamie didn't approve of the fact that we still talked, although things were always awkward between us after that night in the restaurant. I had hoped you would take my words to heart and follow me to Thailand. I had even forced myself to believe you would come, that you would choose me and not him. I never thought I could be so wrong.

Yet there you are, sitting across the room from me, a perfect smile on your face. Or so it seems to the paparazzi around you. I know you better. That smile is hiding something; it doesn't touch your eyes. The way you'll bite your lip every few seconds, glancing at me when you think I'm not looking. The way you fidget with your dress when you meet my gaze. Something's bothering you but it isn't my place to ask what anymore. You chose Jamie and no matter what anyone says, time isn't going to heal that hole in my heart that you created.

_You can't sit still.  
I watched your movement from the corner catch my eye.  
Imagining you here right by my side._

No one else seems to notice of course. To all of them they think that you are acting perfectly normal. It makes me wonder how long you've kept up this façade. It must have been long enough that no one can even tell the difference. Perhaps they have forced themselves to believe that you were just growing up? It seems to be the only thing that made sense.

I can honestly say it makes my skin crawl the way Jamie looks at you, like you're some trophy of his, a shiny object in the palm of his hand for everyone to look at. You don't look at him the same way; you don't look at him with love in your eyes. You don't look at him the way you used to look at me…

_The fire in your eyes is blazing, and it burns right through me.  
Little girl your so amazing._

It isn't possible for me to grasp the fact that you might not come around, that you might stay with Jamie simply because he's _safe_. I know I hurt you in the past, I regret every moment I ever hurt you. I kick myself each day because of it. Because I know deep in my heart that the reason you aren't next to me instead of him is entirely my fault. It's too late to change that now isn't it?

_Don't you know you drive me crazy, and I'd love to get to know you. Here I am so won't you take me and blow me away._

Hours have passed but it doesn't seem that long at all. I suppose it must be because I had spent the entire night watching you and Jamie with envious eyes. I wish that it were me instead of him, I wish it was me that made you smile, and made you laugh.

No, I take that back.

I wouldn't want to make you smile and laugh if they were forced like they seem to be now.

Jude, why can't you believe in me anymore? Why can't you realize how much I love you?

_You seem so close.  
If I could know your thoughts, if I could read your mind_

I realized it was pointless to be here the minute I walked through the doors. This was uncharted territory for me, and I was intimidated by it all. Jamie never left you alone for a second, never giving me a chance to talk to you…until now.

He had walked away to check some paperwork. Now was my chance.

_Some things are never meant to be defined._

Fate just doesn't seem to be on my side now days. For as soon as I had reached you Jamie had returned, wrapping his arm around your waist protectively, tight enough for it to appear as if he were hurting you.

My jaw was clenched, my eyes narrowed into a hate filled glare at the pencil neck that stood before me. You were smiling at me apologetically, to which I could only nod.

_It's now or never._

I shook my head, not wanting to get sucked into a fight. With a small, sad smile I hand you an envelope. You looked at me confused to which I just shook me head.

"Happy birthday, Girl" I whispered before turning and walking away.

I didn't want to see your reaction when you opened the gift. For inside the envelope was my mother's old wedding ring, one she had passed down to me to give to my bride whenever I decided to marry.

It belonged to you now, as did my heart. I wouldn't be needing it, you were it for me and I blew my chance. There was no longer any need to hold onto childish dreams that if I wished upon every falling star I saw that you would somehow be mine again, it was childish of me to even believe that you would ever want to marry a man like me…

_Here I am.  
There you are._

Then, of course, there was also a sheet of paper with lyrics scrawled along the lines. Ink splatters lined the page. I still don't think I got the lyrics right, there was no possible way to pour everything into that song. Even now I know it's missing everything, but I had hoped that the ring would speak louder then any words ever could.

With that last thought I walked out of the party, out of the room, and regretfully (while hoping I hadn't) out of your life.

_Wish upon a falling star_

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And it ends, sadly, in which Tommy isn't happy at all. Well isn't that just sad and depressing? Hmm…I personally don't really like this. I was just writing to get back into writing. Anyway, review!


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